How to unf*ck your online profile

Top tips for attracting the right audience on LinkedIn (and Hinge)

Between my long-standing love of all things LinkedIn and my diehard dating habits, I’ve become something of a connoisseur of online profiles.

I’ve seen them all. The good. The bad. And the… well, you get the picture.

And ironically, it’s the picture we’ll be starting with – when we get down to the business of unf*cking your online profile and unpicking the digital disasters standing in the way of real results (and, potentially, actual romance).

Now, to be clear, these little dating digs and LinkedIn eyerolls come from a place of love. It’s tough out there (I know this to be true). But when you try to please everyone – all the time – and say all the things you think you should be saying instead of what you really want to say, you end up saying nothing at all – and to no one in particular.

Not great. But always fixable.

Let’s look at the potential pitfalls of establishing an online profile and spot the easy wins when it comes to attracting your ideal audience.

When it comes to your pic… pick carefully

It’s hard to pin down exactly what that perfect profile pic actually is. But it’s actually pretty easy to tell you what it definitely isn’t.

And if you want to be taken seriously in your digital world, then your profile picture should probably not be any of the following:

• Your kids
• You as a kid (no one wants to see you in a school uniform)
• You and your ex-wife with a sticker over her face
• A snap from 20 years ago which is glaringly apparent
• A motorcycle helmet
• Your dog
• An AI filter or cartoon graphic
• One where you are so far away your face could be mistaken for a speck of dust on the screen

I get it. We all look at pics of ourselves and see the faults and flaws – instead of the fabulous facial features that make us who we are.

This is not America’s Next Top Model.

Take a breath. Take a pic. And take the pressure off. The goal here is not perfection – it’s presenting the real you to the world.

Because whether you’re selling a service, baring your soul, sourcing connections or seeking chemistry, the secret ingredient is the same – being human, being yourself, and being willing to show it.

Invest in yourself

And no – this isn’t some sneaky pitch-slap where I’m telling you to part with your hard-earned cash in order to meet your match.

You don’t need to spend money to get the most out of your online profile – but you do need to invest some time in it.

If you can’t do that, what does that tell your audience?

It’s a cliché, I know, but in this world – whether IRL or URL – you get out what you put in.

If the man or woman of your dreams happens upon your page one evening, open to opportunities and ready to meet their perfect partner, and is met with six identical photos or ‘Ask me’ pasted into every single prompt… what exactly does that say about you?

You want to find love, but you don’t think you should have to make any effort?

And if the client who puts the ‘ideal’ into your ICP lands on your LinkedIn profile – only to see a mugshot from office photo day 15 years ago and a wasteland in your posting section – how exactly are they going to know they’ve just had the good fortune to cross paths with the best copywriter or plumber or accountant (delete as appropriate) they’re ever going to meet?

People want to feel like they’re worth the effort.

And they are.

Show them you’re serious – and get investing in your image.

For the love of God… stop trying to blend in

As a wise woman (me) once said:

‘Beige babes get no love. Or business.’ Or something like that.

I forget the exact words – because beige is so f*cking BORING.

Why would you want to blend in when you have the chance to stand out? To be your weirdest, wildest, most wonderful self?

Our common traits are not what make us so bloody fabulous – it’s our quirks and oddities, our passions and obsessions – that make us just a little different. And just a lot special.

If your bio is a copy and paste from a hustle bro, or your writing puts the I in AI, then who even are you?

And how will anyone notice you when your mission is to be missable?

Are you ‘delighted to announce’? And are you really ‘passionate about synergy’?

Really?

Dig deep. Be brave. And embrace the cringe.

What’s the best that could happen?

Put your quirks to work

I’m a bit obsessed with the world of online dating – you may be aware of this.

And as a result of a light-hearted comment on a LinkedIn thread about padel, I was asked to write a dating article for a national magazine.

Someone read the article, thought it was funny, and ended up giving me a contract writing emails because they liked my style.

That is the point.

Putting your vibes out in the world will always lead to good things. Because it’s authentic. Also, I apologise to the world in general for the use of ‘authentic’. I’ll try not to let it happen again.

If you’re an accountant who happens to love ballroom dancing – get it out there.

Single mum who happens to run ultra-marathons? It’s got legs. Sorry again.

Did your entire life change in a moment as a result of a diagnosis, drama or divine intervention? Divulge it.

In a world where fitting in is such a focus, change the angle.

The thing you think is irrelevant or mildly embarrasing could be the very thing that someone out there LOVES about you.

Get confident (or maybe even pretend a little)

Being proud of your achievements and saying so out loud does not make you a dick.

It tells the world you are confident and clear on what you offer.

This applies to everyone, of course – but especially women. There’s no shortage of research on this, from Harvard in the US to the Young Women’s Trust in the UK. Again and again, the evidence shows that women often feel uncomfortable sharing their achievements because they worry it looks like ‘showing off’ – while men are more likely to be seen as confident when they talk about success.

WTAF.

Pack this in immediately.

Whether you’ve set up a new business, got a PhD in Contemporary Literature, completed an Ironman or finally taken the leap into a new venture you’ve been thinking about for years – that shit is cool.

And you should be proud of it.

And yes, you should be telling people.

Mate… why so angry?

Ah, my old friend off Hinge, Ranty Craig. This one’s for you… and all your angry internet mates.

If your dating profile leads with:

‘You should not go out with me if you’re a nob.’
‘Don’t waste my time.’
‘I’m convinced all women are up their own arse.’

Then, I hate to break it to you, but you’re giving off all the bad vibes. And you’re highly unlikely to attract anything resembling positive energy into your livid little life.

And in the same vein, if you’re on LinkedIn and all you do is get angry at the algorithm, call other LinkedInners losers, or generally shout into the corporate void… you’re more likely to repel your audience than draw them in.

It’s fine to be vulnerable. It’s OK to be real.

But if your entire identity is fuelled by a general sense of ferocious negativity, it’s probably time to reassess what you want your content to actually do for you.

Is your profile working for you?

Listen. We all want to meet our perfect match – right?

And I get it. It can feel like a slog at times. But like most things in life, when it comes to perfecting your profile, you get out what you put in.

Whether it’s business or personal, IRL or URL, content or energy – you have to put time and effort into making sure your ideal audience really sees you and understands why you’re worth it.

So take a long and brutally honest look at the online version of you.

Is it telling the world the right things?

If not… it’s time to get to work.

And if you need a helping hand – get in touch for a chat.

SwipeWrite: content that attracts the right audience.